I’m wondering if there’s a certain optimum length (ohh) for a blog, like is it so many times the girth (hmm) of a tweet, or times by pie(31.4?)the length of the average Facebook post, minus the swearing?
Actually while I’m on one, what is the Facebook swearing thing all about?
I like a swear as much as anyone, in fact I think I may well have invented a few terms of my own, (the fucktard, for instance.) (Dogfelcher, another classic,) although one of my newest favourites is mother-toucher; subtle; obvious what it’s a substitute for thereby retaining the bite of the original American without the commonness or the yuckiness of English accents.
Now I’m not claiming I’m the best swearer, that would probably go to someone with a more gritty accent than me but regardless.
I’m losing my way.
The Facebook swear; why?
Okay, I am getting old but I’m not a completely useless old C-word yet and yes it is okay to use that word so long as you NEVER use it in connotation with the lady-parts it allegedly alludes to.
( I checked recently with a friends daughter, she’s a mere 21!)
I NEVER use it to describe the lady-flower…NEVER!
Anyway, I don’t get it. F-words; yep, like them, like them quite a lot but not really in the written context. Dropped into conversation at the correct moment, yup, but again, very few can achieve the correct level of gravity required for the F-word to achieve full effect these days. In fact, I’m coming to the conclusion that our swear words are best dropped amongst the sort of random mashing of vowels and tenses that fall from attractive Eastern European ladies mouths. I often find the French/Spanish version of the F-word works well for me too, or: my favourite, the posh, English convent-educated lady. Obviously that is all tied up (mi lady!) in some weird boyhood trauma of mine but you get the idea?
Anyway, have I gone over the blog quota yet? I do feel as though I’m coming to the end of this one although I believe that’s probably more to do with the size of the page allocated rather than the fact that I could actually waffle on for ages regardless of actual factual interest.
Perhaps, like the novel, there is a natural order to these things, an accepted norm which I’ve yet to adhere to? I’m thinking that the sort of size Caitlin Moran uses in her Times pieces might be appropriate or is that merely, again, because of size stipulations (vicar!) rather than actual literary restrictions? I wish I knew then I might have ended this drivel before it had become quite so tedious.
Perhaps it’s time to have a small debate on the subject, set a few ground rules, parameters, that sort of stuff. It’s always nice to have a little chat with like-minds eh?
Anyway, don’t want to overstep the boundaries, spoil ones welcome what? So I’ll just eff like a C-word to the eff off and try to keep it a little shorter next time. (Ooof: nurse!)


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