Not the best of days

Peaches Geldof dies at 25…
I read her mothers obitubiography a few years ago. No-one came out well in it, least of all her but even Bob, who I imagined would be a steaming great ego on legs, has his issues but…the man took on his ex-wife and love rivals daughter! The man she played away with (behind his back) and eventually left him for, then split up from before ending up on heroin and a mess. Imagine what that must do to a child’s mind!
“You left me mummy.”
“No darling, I left your father, not you. I would never leave you, I love you.”
And then she does go and leave by dying of an overdose!

I don’t know how Bob did that.
I have taken on another mans daughters but I’m not so sure I could do what Bob Geldof did with Heavenly Tirani.
I suppose she is Peaches and Fifi’s sister but…..
It’s somewhat easier if the original father is out of the picture.
Years ago I took on my ex as a package, her son, her ex, their problems, their baggage, which rapidly became part of our baggage and despite love getting in the way for a while it all fell apart as it now appears it was always destined to do. Now if she had ended up having a child with the twat (no; really) she left me for I don’t think I could have taken the child on if I’d been lucky enough for them both to die. I know it’s not the child’s fault but I think I would probably let the kid grow up with his family, grandparents, uncle, second cousin, fifth cousin twice-removed, a friend of the family who used to live next door and occasionally saw his parents drive past… You get the idea. If someone betrays you to that extent you need to be adult about the situation and put the children first but I can’t see how that’s possible. As it is I used to see my ex’s face in my daughter and while, of course, I would never harm her, the temptation to slap a face that resembles your spiteful, bitchy, fuckwit, cheating, piece of shit ex who treated you like a sack of emotion-free shit is always going to be a difficulty. I swear to this day there’s every chance that if I ever have to confront that bitch again I might just lash out for all the shit I’ve had to go through so well done Mister Geldof, you truly are an inspiration. I have nothing but admiration for the way you opened your home and heart to that child, I hope she and Fifi can help you through this hideous time and into the future.
I know what it is to lose a daughter. My first, Naiomi, though alive, disappeared at age 20 months with her mother making sure I have been kept out of her life to this day and now she’s old enough to choose she chooses to believe her lying, filth, piece of shit mothers version of events over the truth which, as you can possibly imagine, has left me somewhat bitter, twisted, cranky, negative and volatile.
My youngest stepdaughter, Natalie, has been lost to schizophrenia for the past five years. She is as different as you would never wish to imagine and for me a no-go area as, again, she lives with her mother and usually refuses to see me, not always but usually. (Part of her illness)
My middle stepdaughter is a junkie, lost to all of us for the last 18/20 months, I’m not sure, it seems a long time. That means the granddaughter is gone too, her father refusing to allow Kylie’s family to have anything to do with her. Fair enough I suppose in his warped mind, er…wanker!

So, yes, I have an idea what it is to suffer loss.
I’m sick of crying now but I shed a few for poor Peaches and Bob and the family, just too horrible. He must feel like his family is cursed?
I think I am and I haven’t had half the horrors he’s had to face.
We have to make the best of who and what we have I suppose.
My pills work, the mood swings are liveable, the suicidal thoughts temporary and I still have three grandsons, my eldest stepdaughter and a granddaughter on the way.
Life’s not always shit…….just most of the time.


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