Well it confirms what I already suspected.
I just checked amazons top 75 fantasy novels and ‘surprise’ I’m not in there despite that being the main genre in which I write but worse than that is the fact that if you’re not in there your work won’t get seen unless someone specifically searches for you. What are the chances of that?
Fucks sake, I can’t even get my brother or my so-called best friend to even check out the free bits on my webpage.
I’ve got His Own Downfall coming out in a few weeks, maybe but seriously, what is the fucking point? I’ve had reviews in the local paper four times, not one book sold! Amazon is awash with name authors let alone all the losers like me and then there’s the likes of Fern Fucking Britten getting a prime spot on Loose Women tomorrow almost guaranteeing the talentless fuck a free ride when she’s as much an author as I am a fucking tv presenter. Makes you sick doesn’t it? People with real talent get left behind while the likes of her and fucking pig-woman Dawn French get a leg-up from their mates in the industry, fucking lot of nepotistic assholes.

It does confirm to me that my instincts to back off and put a few books in the bank is the right one. Pointless releasing them to apathy, better to wait until I can get some decent feedback from people in the know.
I reckon three years at uni and I’ll be writing some proper novels with more confidence and hopefully less of a negative attitude.
Right now I feel like giving up entirely and getting a job driving a lorry or a bus. At least you know where you are with that. No expectations, no disappointments, no embarrassment as yet again I faced failure, and won it. Still, it’s good to know the haters were right…fuckers.


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