A grade student

Yep, that’s me; A grade, possibly A~star if I continue the trajectory I’m on.
Rad! I’ve never been A grade at anything before although a few people (okay; girls) have said I’m a grade A asshole.
Who am I to argue?
I’m doing English at college 31 years since the last time I tried it but finally it appears I may have a chance of actually getting through the exam, hope so. It counts towards me getting on an access course and into University for a second go at being clever after years of being an ass. You never know I might actually get recognised as an author of worth one day in the long-distant future. Things are going in the right direction. I’ve now had my first really promising review from Hache who is a proofreader and promoter of Indie authors so if she says I’m good I’m prepared to believe her. Those are exactly the sort of comments I need to keep me interested because I was ready to give up, or at least give up publishing with no response. Better to keep everything in my files than put it on Amazon where it’s never deleted. I don’t entirely trust them, or anyone else, when it comes to looking after years of my hard work.
So I’ve got a natural ability for writing, I’ve also got a seriously strong work ethic when it comes to the follow up to the first draft.
I though you could rush it, trust your instincts and push your work out there but no, not if you want to reach the level that professionals work to.
Just like when I worked in photography, there’s the amateur; advanced amateur; the talented advanced amateur… then the real shit.
I’m going for the schnizzle personally. Now I understand EXACTLY what level of concentration; attention to detail; quality of writing; plot; characterisation; dialogue; picture-painting with words; what standard of literary prose is required and so, now I know I have the ability to run with the big boys and girls, that’s exactly what I’m going to do for as long as I’m able.
This is high intensity, high commitment, top level stuff.
No more half-assed, poorly-edited amateur guff. Oh no, now I can spend far longer than should really be necessary over one word. Sometimes there is just the one available and nothing else will do and that is always the one that disappears from your mind just when you really need it. It happened today, fucked if I can remember the word now but I did dig it out and wap it on the page after a ten minute search of some of the byways at the back of my mind where things get lost down the back of the sofa.
I read something about that though and these nongs who get blocked. ‘Sometimes it’s one word an hour, one word a day, it’s ALL progress.’
The trick is to take the slow days with the free flow of the fast. I’m due a day of buzzing through but if I have to do it the hard way, like today, then that’s okay, I can do it. At the moment I have the luxury of not having to work to a timetable, how many people ever have the chance to say that? But then, how many people would accept the level of income I exist on for the chance to prove everyone wrong?

I will succeed. I already have.
10 novels, 2 satires and one book of five shorts each of which features one of my grandchildren as the main character, Scarlett, Macz, Alecz and Sczam and one with my great nephew, Finley.
What the fuck else would you call success?
Too many judge you only by the cash in your pocket.
I don’t smoke any more.
I don’t have to put up with any more of those beeeyatches talking to me like I’m some piece of shit only around for their entertainment and enrichment.
I don’t have to work in those shitty dead-end jobs like the last one that I had to put up with for 15 fucking years and I’m almost sane so long as I keep taking the pills.
That IS success as far as I’m concerned and nowadays mine is the only opinion that matters.


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