Suicidal depression

Facebook! We all know it’s a bit shitty but all of a sudden there’s a mass of ‘we love you’ bollocks all over it in the wake of Robin Williams’ suicide which is all meant in the best spirit I’m sure but don’t people get it?
People who are suicidal can’t be saved by love any more than Courtenay, Michael Stipe, family, friends and fans could save Kurt Cobain.
Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that.
Depression, especially the type that Robin had, doesn’t allow for love. It doesn’t penetrate; at least not from strangers.
Most depressives feel in a completely different way to the average person. HUGE ups, vertical downs, overwhelming emotions going both ways from the greatest waves of love for their family, babies, toddlers, birds, cats, the sun, trees, the breeze, to the most destructive hateful, murderous, negativity imaginable, or rather; unimaginable…to most.
There is no sense to a disease that tells a successful, loved person that they are worthless. There is no explaining that.
I long ago got used to the fact that every day the voice will tell me what a useless piece of shit I am and how much better it would be if I wasn’t here. I get that, most days I ignore the twat but some days……
I get these waves of melancholy.
I zone out at the supermarket till.
I get sudden moments of what-the-fuck-is-the-point?
Luckily, my medication works enough that I can feel like this every day until I find the courage to do what Robin did but there will always be those who say “that’s selfish, that’s wrong, that’s the easy way out.”
Yea? Well you suffer this fucking disease every poxy day then motherfucker and see how you get on but don’t ever assume to know the inside of someone else’s personal hell because you do not have a clue, trust me.
The saddest thing is so many people have the same problems and there really is little to be done.
Keep going as long as you can but I don’t blame anyone for tiring of the fight

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